


Hurt

by Nikky_the_writer



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:45:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikky_the_writer/pseuds/Nikky_the_writer
Summary: Reader and Bucky were best friend, even more, but their relationship changes after something horrible happens to the Reader.Warnings:  mentions of rape, cursing, blood, violence, suicide attempt, mentions of sex





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my Tumblr: @nikky-the-writter

˝Hey, what’s on your mind˝, Natasha asked, turning your chair to face her.

˝Nothing˝, you shrugged, not looking up from the files.

˝Y/N, talk to me˝, Nat put her hands on the each side of your chair. You looked up and smiled shyly.

˝Nat, is really nothing˝, you got up, moving her hands to take laptop from another desk. When you came back at your table with laptop, Nat was already sitting on the edge of your desk.

You put the laptop down and started typing, ignoring her.

˝Y/N, what’s going on with you? You changed, didn’t you think that I will notice.˝, she exhaled loudly closing your laptop almost trapping your fingers.

˝What the fuck, Nat!˝

˝It’s been a year and five months since you changed. What happened?˝

˝It’s my life, not yours so stop talking about it˝, Nat shifted her legs and lowered her head.

˝About what? What are we even talking about?˝, her voice was low and she stood up.

You silently took your files and laptop and you headed for the door.

˝I can find out on my own˝, you stopped walking hearing Nat’s voice.

˝You wouldn’t dare˝. 

  


* * *

 

˝Did you finish? ˝, Tony asked when he saw you walking into the kitchen.

˝I need a few more minutes˝

˝Why didn’t you finish in the lab? ˝, Tony pour coffee into two mugs and handed you one.

˝I don’t drink coffee˝

˝Well, you have been working for two days without sleeping, you have to drink it, doctor’s orders. ˝, he smiled and sat on the couch and you followed.

˝Is it Nat? ˝, he asked suddenly.

˝What?˝

˝Is she on your mind right now? ˝

˝Yes˝, you took a sip of your coffee, burning your tongue slightly ˝Fuck, this is hot! ˝

˝Be careful kid˝

˝Of hot coffee or Natasha Romanoff?˝

˝Well, both of cours˝, he turned his face towards you. ˝You should tell her˝

˝Tony don’t be like that, you don’t understand how the…. ˝

˝Kid shut up for a minute, I understand, you have been through hell, but you are still here. ˝

You lowered your head at the memory of what happened.

˝Don’t Y/N/N, just don’t lower your head, you survived what h…. ˝

˝Hey˝, you heard Bucky’s voice and immediately stood up.

˝Hi˝, you whispered, leaving with Tony following you.

˝Barnes˝

˝What was that? ˝, Bucky asked stopping Tony.

˝Nothing, she just don’t feel well˝, Tony said and walked away

* * *

Bucky couldn’t understand what happened. He thought that maybe he said something wrong because you changed drastically over night. He remembers times when he was too shy to even say something, times when you would talk to him sitting next to him. He started forgetting how your face looks like when you smile. You stopped talking to him, avoiding his gaze, avoiding almost everyone when you moved into the Tower.

You worked with Tony for few years, but you moved into Tower only a year and five months ago, after your so-called break for two months. Bucky thought that you stopped being his friend because you were with Tony. Tony wasn’t in the Tower during those two months and that raised suspicion in your best friend Natasha and the man for whom you were falling in love, Bucky.

* * *

There was a knock on your door a few minutes after Tony left your room. You were sitting on your bed reading.

˝Come in˝, the person came in. You didn’t look up, you raise your finger to let them know to wait. After finishing the page, you inserted bookmark and looked up. Bucky was standing next to your bed. He sat on the edge and looked at you not saying anything. You quickly pulled your legs to your chest.

˝Why are you doing that? Is it because of me, are you afraid? ˝

You forced yourself not to let tears fall from your eyes. ˝Do you need something? ˝, you said, forcing a smile.

˝I need your answer. ˝

˝I’m just cold and it’s not because of you, I’m not afraid of you. ˝, your voice cracked at the end.

˝Why are you lying? It has to be because of me, I was so stupid asking you out that weekend, thinking that you liked me, but you didn’t you… ˝.

You cut him off: ˝Do you really think that I would change because of you?! Don’t think that you are that special!˝

˝I hope that the person because of whom you changed was special˝, at the moment while he was saying that, he was weaker than you, letting his tears fall down.

˝Take care˝, he sniffled and left.

˝Special? ˝, you whispered when he closed the door.

* * *

_You felt weak, ill, disgusted. Your body couldn’t respond to any of your mental requests, it was just laying limp on your bed. On your bed the whole day, you couldn’t stop the tears you didn’t want to, you were laying in the same position that he left you, with blood on your cheeks, on your body on your sheets. Never thinking that a friend could do something like that as he did. You have known him for years, invited him in your home, only that he could knock you out, hitting you from the behind. You remembered him throwing you on your bed, pinning your arms above your head, but you tried to fight it. You kicked, scratched, screamed, you even bit his face, leaving bloody marks on it. It didn’t help. He still did it, he took your strength, your smile that could light up the room, your trust and faith, leaving you naked your body and your soul. The spark in you died. Everything was dead inside you. You died, but still you were breathing._

_˝Oh my God, Y/N˝, you heard Tony’s voice, but you couldn’t even look at him right now, you felt ashamed._

_˝Who did this to you? Y/N tell me? ˝, he kneeled in front of your bed._

_He covered you with his sweater, but you didn’t move, you just whispered the name of the person who hurt you._

_˝I’m going to kill that son of a bitch˝, Tony was already at the door, almost forgetting about you because of the anger inside him._

_˝Stay˝, he heard your voice, it was like a whisper, but he heard it. He went to your bathroom, made you a bath and carried you in his arms. He gently placed you in the bathtub, not letting go of your hand. He saw your face, your body, your broken nails, nobody will be able to stop him when he comes after the bastard who hurt you, but he knew that now he needs to take care of you, but he also didn’t want the bastard to be free. While he was looking at you he called someone to do something for him._

_After some time, he helped you get out and he helped you get dressed. You sat on your bed, staring blankly. He took your suitcase and he quickly packed you, then he called Happy to pack him and came with the car at your place._

_˝Where are we going? ˝, you whispered, taking his hand, stopping him in one place._

_˝It’s a surprise, you will love it˝. Tony was your best friend, more than that. He always took care of you, he was always next to you, he loved you and you loved him. He was your only family and you were his._

_On the ride to the Tony’s plane, you stopped once, only Tony left the car, coming back with bloody and bruised knuckles._

_˝He will never hurt you again, nobody will. ˝, you never knew what Tony did to him. He could have killed him, pay someone to do it, lock him somewhere because you never heard his name again and you were grateful for it._


	2. Chapter 2

You knocked on Bucky’s door.

The noise in his room was getting louder with any minute, like he was throwing things around. Finally, he opened the door surprised when he saw you standing in front of him.

˝Y/N, what are you doing here? ˝

˝The more important question is what were you doing before you opened the door? ˝, you joked trying to lighten the mood.

˝Nothing important. Come in. ˝, he moved aside, letting you come in. There was broken glass around the floor, you moved around it and then you sat on his bed. Bucky watched your every step.

˝I’m sorry˝, you said, looking at his blue eyes for the first time in a long time.

˝You didn’t say anything wrong, you shouldn’t be apolagizing˝

˝I’m sorry about how I treated you, I barely talk to you anymore˝

˝Why is that? ˝, he sat next to you and you moved away.

˝Something happened, it changed me, but I am trying to be who I was˝

˝Maybe you just have to accept what happened˝

˝You never accepted what happened to you. I can hear you at night screaming, hating your arm. ˝,

˝I do hate it, I tried to feel like a human being, but when I see it, when I see how everybody stare at it, I just… ˝

˝I didn’t stare˝, you whispered. He turned his gaze towards your eyes, you were looking at him like you did before.

˝Can,… Can I?˝, you lowered your eyes towards his lips and then back. You leaned in slowly kissing him on the lips and pulling away quickly.

˝I wanted you back then. ˝, you stated, ˝I still do, but… ˝

˝What? ˝, he took your hand in his.

˝I can’t, I’m sorry˝, you pulled your hand away and left, leaving confused Bucky in his room. 

* * *

˝Can you stop playing games with him Y/N? ˝, Steve asked with a raised voice.

˝I’m not playing games˝, your eyes were looking all around to avoid his eyes.

˝Stop that˝, Steve grabbed your hand, it wasn’t hurting you, but the gesture brought some memories to surface.

˝Let me go˝

˝Not until you tell me why are you playing with my best friend˝

˝Let me go! ˝, he pulled his arm quickly away, when you screamed at him. You were looking at him with disgust, it wasn’t his fault, you knew that. You promised yourself that nobody will ever lay a hand on you against your will and he just did.

˝Y/N, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. Can you just tell me why are you so cold toward him, towards all of us? ˝

˝I have my reasons˝

˝Why did you kiss him and then left? Do you understand that he loves you? He wants to be with you and you are constantly throwing him away. ˝, he took a deep breath, knowing that you won’t give him a normal answer.

˝He should move on, there is no future for him with me˝

˝Tell that to him, he’s been waiting for you for years. ˝

* * *

Tonight was one of Tony’s parts, you never wanted to go, but after everything that Tony did for you, you own him your life. If he didn’t take care of you in the past you would probably be dead, or worse.

Natasha came into your room three hours before the party, she brought Wanda with her. Wanda curled your hair while Nat put some make up on your face.

˝You are ready to get dressed˝, Wanda said.

˝Just a second˝, Nat put the last layer of lip gloss on your lips.

You walked over to your wardrobe taking your dress out.

˝Wow, it’s beautifull˝, Wanda came closer to examine the dress.

˝Are you joking? That’s your dress? When did you become a nun? Show some skin˝, you looked down, angry at Nat, who always had to say something, from the moment when you come back she always had something to say.

˝Nat, shut up, the dress is beautiful˝, Wanda would never look into your mind, but she could feel sadness and loneliness that you feel.

˝Thank W˝

˝Okay, wear that why would I care? Like you will ever get laid in that. ˝Nat was angry at you, you stoped sharing secrets with her, stopped going out with her. Like you forgot her. She lost her best friend.

˝Let’s go˝, Wanda said enthusiastically. 

* * *

_˝Let’s go˝, Tony said, opening car door for you. You didn’t pay attention, you didn’t know where were you, not even in which country and you didn’t care._

_He lead you to his house._

_˝I am not going to let you out of my sight. We are going to sleep in the same room. Okay? ˝_

_You didn’t say anything just nodded with your head._

_He showed you around and then left you to take a bath._

_You were sitting in the bathtub for ten minutes finally realizing what happened to you. You felt so dirty, you tried to wash the dirt from your body, but it didn’t want to be washed away. With your nails you tried to remove the dirt it was still there. You couldn’t take it. It didn’t want to go, forever stuck on you. You were now going through the shelves and cupboards in the bathroom finding razor blade._

_˝Y/N? What are you doing? Open the door. ˝_

_You were sliding the blade across your hands,neck,  on places where he touched you. You just wanted to remove the memories and places that he touched. It was burning, all the places on the body that you once loved, now you were disgusted by.  
_

_Tony busted the door, scared when he saw you._

_˝No, Y/N, no stop it.˝, he took the blade from your hands that you didn’t want to let go, so he cut himself in the process._

_˝It’s not clean Tony, it’s not, please I have to remove it, please.˝_

_Tony’s heart was breaking, he loved you so much and now you were crying and bleeding on his bathroom floor._

_˝Calm down, look at me˝, you couldn’t look at him, you failed him, you should have fought harder, but you didn’t. Did you just let it happen?_

_˝Look at me˝, he yelled at you. You met his teary eyes sitting on the cold floor. Your hands were shaking, you broke almost all of your nails, there was blood everywhere._

_˝I can’t, I can't˝, you screamed and cried in his arms. He picked you up and put you on the bed. He took the first aid kit from the bathroom and cleaned your cuts and put bandages on it, he also cleaned your bruises on your face from before._

_He put you on the bed and he laid next to you holding you close._

_Tony barely slept that night, but he did close his eyes. Slowly you walked on the marble floor, sliding the door to the balcony. Cold breeze sending shivers to your body._

_˝I can’t take it, I can’t… ˝, you kept repeating to yourself. You climbed on the stone fence. You stood there wanting to fall, to reduce the guilt. You didn’t want to leave Tony. Also you couldn’t live like this._

_˝Y/N, Don't˝_

_˝I can’t live like this˝, you turned your body around to see Tony standing just a few feet away from you._

_˝You can survive this˝_

_˝I don’t think so˝, you leaned your body towards the edge and closed your eyes._

_˝Nooo˝, Tony screamed._

_You were falling into darkness, waiting to touch the ground, but you never did, something caught you in the midair. It was one of Tony’s suits. He saved you again, but can you really save someone who is already dead inside?_

_He tried to keep eye on you after you jumped, but he failed again, he left you for a few moments alone and when he come back you fall on the ground. You overdosed yourself with sleeping pills.  
_

_But he saved you,so you started thinking to yourself that maybe you weren’t supposed to die, just yet._


	3. Chapter 3

You were sitting at the bar in your long dress with sleeves. The music and people were really loud. Looking around  you couldn’t recognize many people, only the Avengers and a few Shield agents. Tony would always throw most glamorous parties, the best thing was that you could drink a lot, without anyone judging you.

Tony came on the little stage and started his speech. Being his usual self, he was so cocky and arrogant that at one point you wanted to throw a bottle of whisky at him. Natasha was avoiding you the whole night, talking with Clint and Steve, she would glance at you from time to time. You were feeling a little bit tipsy when an unknown man approached you.

˝Drinking alone? ˝, he said. To you, his question sounded really stupid, you were drunk, but you still could make a full sentence, so why he couldn’t, you didn’t have an idea.

˝I’m not alone, can’t you see my friend Casper is sitting next to me? ˝, you asked him seriously.

˝Are you like one of the Avengers? ˝

˝Are you really that fucking stupid? ˝, you would never look for a fight if you were sober, but you weren’t and the man next to you was an idiot.

˝What did you say, bitch? ˝, he asked grabbing your hand.

˝Oh, you heard me, you son of a bitch? ˝, you said with a smile on your face.

˝I will teach you a lesson, you little… ˝, he started saying pulling you into him.

You quickly smashed the bottle of whiskey that you were drinking, on the edge of the bar and you put the broken bottle against his neck. Loud crashing caused everyone to look at you two.

˝You were saying? ˝, you smirked. ˝Please continue, I dare you˝

˝Y/N˝, you heard Tony’s voice ˝Let him go, he is not worthy of your time. ˝

You let the broken bottle fall on the ground. You leaned on the bar grabbing the bottle of vodka. Passing by that man you looked at him and said ˝You should learn where is your place, you fucking idiot˝

Tony wanted to put his arm around you, but you pushed him away and you left the room with whole room looking at you as well the well-known man with blue eyes. 

* * *

You changed into your Pj’s, struggling ten minutes with the zipper of your dress. You didn’t want to spend ten more minutes trying to take of your bra, so you decided to sleep in it. 

You heard knocking at your door, you were so drunk that you thought that you were imagining it. Then, you heard it again.

˝Yea… open˝, nobody came in so you yelled a little ˝Door… open… they are open˝, you looked at the door.

˝Oh no, they are closed, what? ˝, you laid down on the floor and then you heard steps that were coming closer.

˝Bucky˝, you said not even looking at him, you knew him well.

He took your hand and gave you a glass of cold water, sobering you a little. He was also drunk, but not like you.

˝Hey˝, you came closer to him, touching his chest.

˝When did you get that abs? I thought that you were small and fragile boy˝, you were confused at the moment.

˝Doll, that was Steve and that wasn’t in this century. ˝

˝Oh, time flies so fast˝, you said, still examining his body.

He took your hands in his and looked you in the eyes.

˝Are you okay? ˝, he asked you.

¨Yes˝, you said and you kissed him on the lips. At first he didn’t respond, but after a few seconds he did. You came closer to him and he laid you on your bed, hovering over you. You feelt happy, but then everything went south.

He pinned your hands on each side of your head. Just like that bastard, but Bucky was gentle, still your scars were aching.

He kissed your neck. Just like the bastard did.

Then he pulled your shirt over your head, reveailing everything that you were hiding, your scars and your past. You started panicking, but he wasn’t looking at your body, he was staring into your eyes.

˝Y/N? Are you alright? I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that˝

˝Get away from me! ˝ you screamed, scarring Bucky. He pulled away from you, trying to calm you. You run away from your room, only in your bra and sweatpants. Your  feet were running through the halls touching the marble floor, you stopped for a second realizing.

˝Maybe it’s time˝, you whispered. It was like the night when you jumped from the balcony. You could still feel his arms on your body. It was killing you, you thought that he was still alive and that he will come back for you.

You walked through the living area, not paying attention on a few people that were still there. You opened door to the balcony and you climbed on the edge. Suddenly you could feel peace, like everything will be alright if you just step over the edge.

˝Y/N? ˝, Nat asked with a worried face. She was staring at you with the man next to her.

You didn’t turn around, you closed your eyes taking a deep breath. In the moment when you stepped forward with one leg something pulled you towards the floor.

˝Hey, sweety, what were you doing up there? ˝, she pulled you into a hug.

˝Nat are we still… ˝, the man started, but Nat cut him off.

˝Go away, leave your jacket˝, Nat ordered and he gave her his jacket, which she put around you.

˝Y/N, let’s go to my room. ˝

* * *

Bucky was still tipsy, but he couldn’t believe what happened. He thought that he scared you off. He saw himself only as a monster until he met you. You were treating him with respect, you were always nice to him. Because of you he was feeling like a man again, but not right now. He was laying on his bed, looking at his metal arm. He loved you, but he will never be able to call you his. Who would ever really love a monster that he was?

He started packing his things. He throw his clothes into the backpack, he was ready to leave, but then he looked at his nightstand. There were pictures of him with the Avengers, but mostly there were pictures of you two, joking around hugging each other. He thought that maybe he will get a new chance to live his life normally, but he was wrong. He decided to leave tomorrow in the middle of the night, but firstly he wanted to talk with you. He had to thank you for all the moments when you made him feel like a human being.


	4. Chapter 4

˝I can’t live like this Tony. I can’t stay here˝.

Tony was working on one of his inventions when you barged in.

˝Y/N/N, what happened? ˝

˝I can’t even be with him˝

˝With who? ˝

˝I just.. ˝

˝Why do you think that you can’t be with Bucky? ˝, he asked, realizing that you were talking about Bucky.

˝I tried˝, you whispered.

˝Wait, what? ˝, you left him confused, only things that were coming into his mind were that you probably had sex with Bucky.

˝You want to leave because sex with the metal man wasn’t what you thought it would be? ˝, he joked, he couldn’t find any reason that would force you to leave.

˝I wish that that was a problem˝

˝Y/N, stop that you are scarring me. You are not laughing at my jokes only when you are being serious and I’m hoping right now that you didn’t understand what I said. ˝

˝God, you talk a lot˝, you didn’t really have any energy left to explain Tony your reasons.

˝Just tell me˝, he said, frustrated, he thought that you finally left things behind. He didn’t want you to go through the pain again.

˝I couldn’t let him touch me Tony. Do you understand how it feels to want someone to touch you, but then you remember who already did? It hurts˝, tear rolled down your cheek, you were breaking again, Tony did as well.

˝I never talked to you about it. I never told you all the things that he did to me˝

˝Y/N… please, try to move on, I will do anything. We can go away, but please don’t leave without me. I can’t lose you. ˝

˝That is the problem Tony. I think that I am already lost. How didn’t I see it before? ˝

˝Don’t say that. Don’t you dare say that. ˝, he hugged you tight, he didn’t want to let you go.

˝I mean it˝, you whispered in his ear.

˝Please… ˝

˝I think that the only thing that is keeping me here is him, so tell me is he alive? ˝, you suddenly asked and Tony let you go.

˝You said that you don’t want to know. ˝

˝I have to˝

˝No, I can’t tell you˝

˝Excuse me, you can’t tell me!? ˝

˝You made me promise˝, he moved away from you.

˝ And now I’m asking you to tell me˝

˝I can’t because I know what you are going to do, no matter what I say. ˝

˝Thank you for nothing Tony, really thank you˝, you left, slamming the glass door and the door broke in million of pieces, just like your heart.

* * *

Entering your room you were met with blue eyes. You didn’t expect him to be there. You weren’t in the mood for that. 

˝Y/N, I want to apologize. I shouldn’t have done that yesterday. I’m really sorry.˝

˝Everything is fine, just leave˝, you opened your closet, you pulled your suitcase out from the corner of the room and you started throwing your clothes inside.

˝Where are you going? ˝, you didn’t answer.

˝Hey, talk to me. Are you leaving because of me? ˝

You took the books from your shelf and you placed them in your backpack. You unpinned pictures from your wall and gently put them in one of the books.

˝Are you really going to ignore me? I at least deserve an explanation. ˝

˝Mm-hhm˝, you just murmured to yourself.

˝You are acting like this won’t affect me. ˝

You were checking mentally your list. Then, something came to your mind. Pulling out from under your bed you placed the metal case on the table, opening it to check if everything was there.

Four blades, two glocks, everything was there.

˝God, Y/N, when did you get these things? ˝

You still didn’t respond, you were making a plan how to persuade Tony to answer you, you had to know. You weren’t sure what will you do when you get your answer, but you had to know.

˝Stop it˝, he grabbed your arm, bringing you back from your thoughts. This time you didn’t ask him to let you go. You punched him with your knee in the stomach and then you took the blade. You pinned him to the wall holding the knife close to his neck.

˝Don’t you ever do that again or I will end you˝

He never saw that side of you. You completely lost control. The dark thoughts were dancing around your mind, you didn’t want Bucky to see you like that. You wanted him to remember you like the happy girl that you were. 

Knock on the door suddenly distracted both of you.

Tony opened door slightly not coming in.

˝He will be in the city in two hours. Let’s go. ˝

You left your stuff, you only took the metal case and you walked past Bucky not saying anything.

* * *

Bucky took his bags and left his room, he stopped when he saw Nat approaching him.

˝Barnes, where are you going? There are no missions right now˝

˝I’m leaving˝, he said calmly.

˝No you are not˝, Nat said and took his bags away from him.

˝You see that you wanted to leave you wouldn’t let me take your stuff so easily. Just tell me what’s going on? ˝

˝It’s Y/N˝, he sat on the floor, leaning against the wall in the hallway.

˝I knew that, but what happened? ˝

˝We were drunk and I think that I stepped over the line˝

˝Wait a minute. ˝, Nat was trying to put the pieces together. ˝You were the reason why she was standing on the edge half naked˝

˝What are you talking about? ˝

˝Bucky, she almost killed herself yesterday˝, she took his hand in hers because he was shaking.

˝Why would she want to kill herself? ˝, he couldn’t find a reason, you used to be so happy. Then he remembered something from the night before.

˝Was she ever sent on a mission? ˝

˝You are asking because of the scars? ˝

˝Yes˝, he lowered his head, he would rather have this kind of conversation with you, but you didn’t want to talk.

˝Did you notice the patterns? I don’t think that yesterday was her first attempt in suicide˝

˝Why would she have cuts on her whole hands and neck even on stomack? ˝

˝I don’t know, but I know who have that information˝

˝Tony left with her in the morning˝, Bucky said.

˝FRIDAY, when is Stark coming back?˝

˝In three hours miss. Romanoff˝

Nat got up ˝Promise me that you will try to talk with her again˝

˝I promise. ˝


	5. Chapter 5

The ride was quiet, Tony hasn’t said anything, but he was holding your hand.

After what seemed thirty minutes of driving, Tony parked in front of the new house. In the completely new neighbourhood, half of the houses weren’t even built yet, for you it was a smart place to have privacy.

˝Y/N, you can still walk away from this˝

˝I don’t want that, Tony I really need a closure and the only way to get it is to face with the man who hurt me˝

˝I know your temper Y/N/N, you will lose control when you see him. ˝

˝Tony you can leave, this is not your problem, I’m grateful for everything that you did for me, but maybe we should part our ways here˝

At your preposition Tony squeezed your hand a little bit tighter to let you know that he is not going anywhere.

˝Tony think about everything you have, if anyone finds out what happens today, you will go to jail. ˝

˝Y/N, there is nobody who would put me in jail, remember I have money. ˝

˝Oh, God, I almost forgot about your ego. ˝ you were trying to relax before you leave the car. You haven’t seen that basterd in almost one and half year.

˝Are you ready? ˝

˝I will be, just need a few minutes. ˝

˝I will go inside, to see if everything is ready for you˝

You took a deep breath and you entered into a new build house. You walk into the kitchen, there was plastic on the floor and the man tied to a chair in the middle of the room.

˝Coffee? ˝, Tony asked offering you a cup.

˝Are we alone?˝

˝We have three hours and then we have to go˝

˝So you w… ˝

˝No Y/N, I won’t clean his body, we will just leave I have already organized everything, so enjoj˝

Tony sat in the corner of the room with his cup in his hand.

You came closer to the man and you removed the tape from his mouth.

˝Hello˝, you said with disgusted look on your face.

˝Let me go, Y/N just let me go we can forget about this˝, he begged, but so were you that night and nobody helped you.

˝Can we really forget? ˝, you took off your shirt standing there only in your sports bra. Your hair was put in a pony tale revealing all your scars.

˝I can’t forget about something that I see every day in the mirror. Could you? ˝

˝I didn’t do that to you! ˝

˝You didn’t? Well, you weren’t the one who was sliding the blade over my neck, body, my arms, but you were the one who made me do it. ˝

You sat on the floor in front of him.

˝It wasn’t my fault that you were cutting yourself˝

˝I wasn’t cutting myself, I was simply trying to remove the skin that you touched. ˝

˝You think that you were the only one who suffered, did your friend tell you what he did to me?˝, he looked at Tony who was drinking his coffee in silence.

˝You deserved everything you got and  everything that is coming your way˝

˝I didn’t deserve to be beat almost to the death. He left me in an alley to bleed out. When I went to the police they told me that Mr. Stark has a message for me, they put me in the interrogation room and two police officers started punching me. He was always there in the corner of my eye. Just a month ago I saw him again. He is crazy. I become crazy because of him. ˝

˝Thank you˝, you felt overwhelmed. Tony was doing all of that for you.

˝Everything for you˝, he smiled. 

 

You got up and opened your metal case you took the knife out and you came closer to him. He was yelling and screaming. The blade was so close to his arms, you could see the fear in his eyes, not like that night when you saw sparkles in them.

˝You weren’t even that special˝, he said in an attempt to postpone his death.

˝Why is that? ˝

˝You think that I enjoyed? ˝

˝How can somebody be such an imbecile, confessing that you raped me, just to make me more angry. ˝

˝I think that you should know  for your future activities, It felt like I was fucking a doll. ˝

˝Oh, God, that is so fucking funny˝, you laught bitterly.

˝Well, I didn’t know that it could be any different when the person is not conscious. ˝, you said.

You put the blade close to his hand cutting him slightly and he screamed, but you only cut the rope.

˝Fight me, I’m giving you the opportunity to fight, which you never gave me. You knocked me out from behind˝

˝I won’t fight you˝

˝You think that you have a choice, that’s cute, don’t you think that Tony? ˝

˝You have a knife and I don’t, that’s not fair˝, he said searching for way out.

You throw your knife at him, which he didn’t caught so it fall on the floor. You took the other and he came attacking you. It was a piece of cake to tackle him to the floor. You were punching him in the face with your bare hands your knuckles were already bloody. You were surprised that Tony kept sitting in the corner not saying anything. He obviously knew that you need clouser even if it considers killing someone. After so many punches you were physically and mentally tired, you weren’t even sure if he was still breathing.

You were sitting for a quiet time on his torso, trying to catch your breath. Tony came from behind you and helped you get back on your feet.

˝Are you alright? ˝, Tony asked, taking you back to the car. He gave you a towel to clean your arms which you gladly took, although you didn’t feel urge to clean his blood from your hands.

˝I think that I’m better than that, ˝, your smile grow wider as you came into the car. For the first time in a while, you relaxed your body in your seat and you closed your eyes knowing that you are finally free.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

˝Do you know what are you going to do next? ˝, Tony was driving you back to the Tower.

˝I think I do˝, you smiled.

˝You can’t imagine how happy I am to finally see you smiling˝

˝Thank you Tony˝, you squeeze his hand. He was your rock for so long. He helped you get over it, you were finally feeling that you could move on, be happy.

˝Everything for you, sweety you’re my family. ˝

˝I think that I will never be able to repay you˝

˝You already have. I love you. ˝

˝I love you too˝, you kissed his cheek, which brought smile to his lips.

* * *

Your room was dark when you came in, you could feel that you weren’t the only one there,  you turn on the light and there he was. With his head low, playing with his fingers nervously.

˝I saw your bags in hallway. ˝, you paused for a second. ˝I’m really hoping that you are going on a mission and not leaving. ˝

˝I can’t stay here. I see you every day, but you don’t see me anymore˝, he said with a low voice.

˝Why do you think that? ˝

He looked at you confused. ˝You are distant and what you did yesterday and your scars. You’re not telling me anything anymore˝

˝Sometimes is better not to say anything because when the words leave your mouth, they became reality. ˝

˝What happened to you? ˝

You sat beside him taking his hand in yours. Bucky was surprised at the sudden contact.

˝It doesn’t matter what happened, the only thing that matters right now is that I can finally try to be with whom I want˝

Bucky’s body stiffened at your words, with a small amount of hope he asked quietly ˝Who do you want? ˝.

˝Do you really have to ask? ˝, you put your head on his shoulder. You couldn’t wait for the days when you will be able to forget your past.

He smiled, putting his metal arm around you.

˝I love you˝, you whispered.

˝I love you Y/N˝

* * *

 

## Three years later

˝No, please don’t make me do it˝, you were laying in your bed covered with blankets, while Bucky was buttoning his shirt.

˝Y/N, you were the one who said that we will come to the party˝

˝Well, then I didn’t know that I wanted to stay in bed with my special someone˝

˝You told him yesterday that we are coming and now we have to go˝, Bucky was struggling with his tie.

˝Do you need help with your tie, soldier? ˝, Bucky smiled at you.

˝Now is not the time for that˝

˝You need help with your tie. I can fix it in a second˝

Bucky walked to your bed thinking that you will help him with his tie, but he was wrong.

You sat up and he sat on the bed in front of you, you put your arms around his neck and you took his tie.

˝Doll, I need that tie˝

˝Do you really? ˝, you teased with your voice a little higher than usual.

˝Yes˝, he put his hands around your waist.

˝What are you willing to do to get it back? ˝, you smirked.

˝Doll are you really going to do this right now? You haven’t even dressed yet. ˝

˝Friday tell Tony that we are not coming˝, you said and threw Bucky’s tie on the floor.

˝Yes, miss. Y/L/N˝, the A.I. said.

˝Now tell me what were you saying about me getting dressed? Don’t you think that I have too many layers?˝, you moved your body from under the covers and  sat on his lap.

His body was so close to yours, you looked at each other for a while in comfortable silence. He smiled and pulled you closer to him, holding his hands on your back.

˝I love you˝, Bucky said and kissed you on the lips. You smiled into kiss and you pushed him on the matters.

You pulled away to unbutton his shirt, after some time of trying to unbutton it, Bucky chuckled.

˝Do you need help with that? ˝

˝No, I got it. Just a second. ˝

˝What the fuck? ˝, you swore under your breath. You tried to pull the sides of his shirt. But the dam buttons were stitched so well that they didn’t move. You moved from Bucky leaving him confused.

˝Are you alright? ˝, he asked concerned.

˝Yup, just need something˝, you turned around with a knife in your hand.

˝Why are you holding that? Why do you have it in your room?˝, Bucky pointed to the knife you were holding.

˝Well… ˝, you sat on his lower torso with your legs each on the other side of his body.

˝… don’t be afraid Bucky, I’m not into S&M. ˝. You managed to cut his shirt removing it from him in pieces. ˝That’s better˝

˝You are one crazy cookie˝, he pulled you down on his body kissing you passionately.

˝You are crazy… ˝, you murmured into the kiss.

˝Why? ˝, he pulled away.

˝I mean, why would you think that I would take a knife to… ˝, he cuts you off with another kiss.

“I didn’t know that you were that kinky in 40s”

“I wasn’t”, Bucky protested.

“So it wouldn’t turn you on if…”

“Doll, everything you do turn me on. Even when you are just sitting in your chair drinking hot cocoa.”

“That’s cute Buck”, you kissed him on the lips.

He put his metal arm into your messy hair and his other hand under your shirt and he rolled you over. He was now on top of you, still holding his hands in the same place. You kissed him and then you heard somebody walking in your room

“I don’t see anything more interesting or exciting in this room that is holding you here away from my party”, Tony said, not caring what you and Bucky were doing when he came in.

“Alright Tony we will come, just get out” you yelled.

Tony left saying “ You have five minutes, if you don’t come, I will send the whole team to get you.”

“Five minutes?”, you asked in disbelief.

“Doll, I need more than five minutes to be with you, I want hours. ˝

You both sat up and you headed for the door when his arm stopped you.

"Where are you going? We have to get dressed”

“Don’t worry, I will get dressed in Nat’s room. My dress is there. You kissed him on the lips and you bit his lower lip while pulling away. You could feel his heart ,it was beating rapidly. You leaned next to his ear, whispering:

"I’ll meet you here in two hours to finish what we started˝, before you closed the door you heard him saying ˝You are killing me Y/N//N˝


End file.
